Revision: Peer Critique

Today we exchanged letters with our classmates. We asked them to check for places that needed improvement.

The qualities we looked at were the following:

IDEAS
Does the writing clearly express the writer’s message about the Annie’s past?

SUPPORT
Does the writing provide relevant evidence that supports the writer’s ideas? Did he or she prove it?

VOICE:
ROLE/CHARACTER
Does the writing use the feeling, words, and tone to show Annie John’s voice?

VOICE:
AUDIENCE
Does the writing use the feeling, words, and tone that are appropriate for the audience?

ORGANIZATION
Does the writing follow a clear, logical order and progression?

WORD CHOICE & SENTENCE FLUENCY
Does the writing sound fluid because the words are precise & colorful and the sentences build on each other?

CONVENTIONS
Does the writing use Standard Written English with
• Grammar,
• Punctuation,
• Capitalization,
• Spelling,
• Indentation?

Voice

Voice is made up of the feelings, words, and tone in someone's writing.
Voice changes depending on your ROLE (who you are) and your AUDIENCE (whom you are talking to).

Today we explored how our voice changes with different audiences: with friends versus with the principal of the school.

We also looked at what makes Annie John's voice. What feelings, words, and tone characterize Annie John's voice? Reading page 61 and page 42, we identified them.

Choose a sentence in your essay that sounds like Annie's voice. What feelings, words, and tone make it sound like her?

Choose a sentence that does not sound like Annie's voice. What do you need to change? Feelings? Words? Tone?

Make changes to your first draft.

The First Draft

Transfer the ideas on your letter outline, onto lined paper.
Organize the ideas in sentences and paragraphs.
Make sure they stay in the same order of the outline.
Bring your draft to class for Revision on Tuesday, November 27th.

Annie John Essay Outline

I. A greeting including the name of the person to whom the letter is written
Date ________________

Dear / To __________________,
II. Introduction
I am writing to you….
From where?______________________________________________
Why?__________________________________________________________

III. A description of a significant event from Annie John’s adolescence, including possibly:

IV. An explanation why this event was important to you (Annie John); how it made you feel; how it affected your life.

V. A reflection on how the event changed you (Annie John) a year after you left Antigua. (Infer how you believe AJ would live her life differently because of this experience.)

VI. A description of a significant event from Annie John’s adolescence, including possibly:

VII. An explanation why this event was important to you (Annie John); how it made you feel; how it affected your life.

VIII. A reflection on how the event changed you (Annie John) a year after you left Antigua. (Infer how you believe AJ would live her life differently because of this experience.)

IX. Conclusion: What in summary was the point you wanted to make? Why did you write to this person?

X. Closing & Signature
Sincerely,
Your daughter,
Love,

Annie John Essay Pre-Writing

The pre-writing for the Annie John letter asks you to identify the following:

1. character to whom you are writing your letter;
2. one event that happened with Annie John and your character;
3. a quote that describes that event in the book;
4. an explanation of why that event is important to Annie John's life: What did she learn from it? How did it change her relationship?
5. another event that happened with Annie John and your character;
6. a quote that describes that event in the book;
7. an explanation of why that event is important to Annie John's life: What did she learn from it? How did it change her relationship?

Please ask Heather, L.J. or Mrs. Sherman for the worksheet at school.

The Annie John Writing Project

The final project for our reading of Annie John is a letter. Here are the details.

The first draft of the essay letter is due on Monday, November 26th.
The final draft of the essay letter is due on Monday, December 3rd.

Voice: You are writing from Annie John’s perspective.
Audience: You are writing a letter to another character from Annie John’s adolescence in the book.
Setting: You are writing the letter a year after she left Antigua and is living in England.

What ideas go into this writing project?
In your letter, you will include the following:

• A greeting including the name of the person to whom the letter is written
• A description of two significant events from Annie John’s adolescence. They may include:
  

• An important memory
• A regret
• A lesson learned
• An anxiety-causing incident
• A changed relationship
• A thankful time
• A missed opportunity
• A symbol

• An explanation of why each event was important to Annie John
• An explanation of how Annie John changed because of each event a year after she left Antigua
• Closing & signature

You need to save all of the brain organizers from our reading of Annie John. Many of them you will hand in with your first and final drafts.

"The Long Rain" Chapter 8

Reading Points

• Annie realizes that the only way she can have her own life is to leave her parents and Antigua forever.
• Annie decides to permanently leave Antigua for a new life in England to go to nursing school.
• Annie looks back on all the things she doesn’t want her identity & life to be.
• She says good-bye to Gwen who tells her she is engaged to be married.
• Annie's mother reminds her that she can never escape her and her home.
  

Literary Points

• Identifying Annie John’s voice/independence (pre-writing mini-lessons)
• Final metaphor: “the vessel filled with liquid had been placed on its side and no was lowly emptying out” (148).

Guiding Questions

• What were the important and influential things from Annie’s adolescence?
• What is Annie John trying to escape?
• Why was Annie’s adolescence important for her? What did she learn from her adolescence?
  

Pages to Read

• Read pages 132 – middle of 134; pages 136 (last paragraph) – 137; pages middle of 146 – end.
  

As you read . . .

• What is Annie running away from? What is she trying to escape? Collect the important events, people, and things that Annie wants to leave behind her. Record your thoughts on the brain organizer handed out in class.
• Put a star by the three things that are most interesting or most important to you.
• Using the three things you starred, explain why you think they are important to Annie’s life. You may want to ask yourself: What did Annie learn from these things?
• Use the T-Chart to organize your explanations.